How do I discipline my child when I am a victim of child abuse?
Last night I went to bed upset with my little girl because she is becoming impossible to discipline, it’s like when I tell her to stop doing something she ignores me and then I left it because I fear of becoming my father. Disciplining Abeerah is really hard for me because I don’t want her to feel the way I felt when I was growing up and mine was not my father disciplining it was a beat down smack down kind of a beating I swear sometimes I thought that he thought he was fighting with a person his own age.
Therefore I have become sweet and shy to the subject when I tell her to maybe pick up her bag and she makes an angry face I pick it up I feel like I am scared of my 5year old daughter and I know if I let this go on she will have a bad attitude as an adult. I am at a point where I really feel like I am going to lose because No has become her favourite word. Abeerah time for a bath, she says no I will bath tomorrow. Abeerah pick up your toys, she ignores me until I threatened to throw them away.
The only person she really listens to is her dad when he say Abeerah no, she listens and I feel like he is being hard on her. I am starting to feel that there is something wrong with me, I want to discipline her but in turn I feel guilty.
Has any other mommies and daddies been through this I really need help in setting my daughter straight without my childhood flashing right in front of me or feeling guilty about it.
Disciplining our children is a real challenge. I too got spanked as a child, my last “pakslae” was in matric!
What I’ve learnt with my son though is that when I say that there is a certain consequence for not listening/misbehaving then I have to follow through, otherwise he completely ignores me and laughs at me.
Some of the things that I’ve done/followed through on…putting him in a bubble bath fully clothed, throwing his toy cars in the wheelie bin outside, confiscating his tablet for a week and only giving it back at exactly 4pm the Friday as said to him. I also have a count down and once I reach 5 then there is no going back, consequence it is (and I always tell him what the consequence will be if he does not listen/do as he is asked to). He is very clued in on semantics and I’ve found myself on numerous occassions being outsmarted by him e.g. I told him not to watch the movie, then he took another dvd out and played it – “mom you said THE movie, so I am watching one of the other movies”…
Wow you placed him with clothes inside the bubble now that’s a trick. Thank you for sharing
What an awful situation to be in! I’m not a parent so I’m not going to attempt to give suggestions, but what I will say is that in the long term, disciplining your child is for their benefit. The world doesn’t owe anyone a favour and I think it’s easier for kids to accept this when they have been told no a few times at home. There is a huge distinction between abuse and discipline – saying no and meaning it may make her angry, but it is a long way from beating her.
Thanks for linking up to #AnythingGoes
I like how you put it thank you for your suggestion every little bit helps
The Blog Centre
Shame that is an awful situation and would be hard to comment without having been in your situation, but yes children do need discipline and boundaries and setting boundaries is not abuse. Have you thought of counselling to try and address the situation. There is no doubt from your blog posts that you love your little girl very much and treat her with love and kindness.
Thanks for linking up with #ShowcaseTuesday
I have never thought about counselling I will look into it, thank you
Angela at Daysinbed
This is something my husband and I are really struggling with! It’s a constant battle especially at bedtime and we make a commitment when we married not to smack or hit our child and to find other ways. I have a few good books and have some good ideas which we are practising. However behaviour can be very challenging at times! It is for us! #ShowcaseTuedsay
Angela at http://www.daysinbed.com
Thank you for sharing your story I will look for books.
Seconding the suggestion about counselling. Learning what your boundaries are and how to enforce them constructively is a really useful life skill. The other thing you could consider is talking to your husband and agreeing what behaviours are acceptable / unacceptable and how you want to discipline. That helps with consistency, but may also make the rules easier for you to enforce. Hope this helps!
hi Mrs Tubbs
This really helps a lot thank you I will talk to hubby
This sounds very very tough. I find it hard enough to discipline my kids sometimes and I was never abused; I can’t imagine how difficult it must be for you. I think the key is probably deciding in a calm way exactly what strategies you will use and what forms of discipline for different behaviours ahead of time. That way it’s all worked out in your head. I think well thought out and implemented discipline calmly administered when necessary is miles away from abuse. Hopefully, by thinking it all through beforehand you’ll see it’s not something you’re doing just because you’ve lost your temper or because you like inflicting sadness. Children absolutely need boundaries and they are unable to make rational decisions about their own health, routine, safety etc., which is when discipline comes in from a loving parent.
I would also second the suggestion to look into counselling. Good luck. xx
Planning ahead sounds like an awesome idea I will also do that and I finding myself a therapist maybe talking to someone about my fears will help me face them. Thank you