The journey to putting myself first

The journey to putting myself first, has been the hardest for me for a very long while. Always felt not pretty, adequate or important enough for anyone all my life. I have known I had depression from ages ago when I first attempted suicide. My mother found me, and she told me to never make my enemies happy.

Had my daughter and oh boy I was not the happy new mom. There was no emotion at all, just a blank space. Didn’t really connect with my daughter after birth. Took me a year to bound with her all signs of Post Natal Depression, which I did not seek treatment for. Told myself I will shake it off.

Anyone who suffers from depression knows that it is one hell of a rollercoaster one day you are on cloud nine the next you just feel like crying out of nowhere and in the black community depression is “TABOO”. Oh yes, mental health is a topic we as black do not talk about at all if we do, we say we have been bewitched or you are just a naturally moody person.

Always knew how to fight of my dark thoughts and overwhelming sadness but in the past few months they have been too strong that I decided to do something about it. Yes, I went to see a doctor who sent me to a psychiatrist.

My nightmare and fear suddenly got too real for me, what I was fearing to be true all along came true. I was depressed. The doctor put me on anti- depressants and mood stabilizers.

Mental health is a serious thing and take it from me avoiding it does not make it get better. Seek help because there is help and there is medication that can help get through whatever it is that you are going through.

REMEMBER YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! STOP SAYING YOU ARE FINE WHEN YOU ARE NOT.

Depression affects almost over 350 million across the world. If you have no reason to live that leads to suicide thoughts and to succeeding to take your own life.